Today's Rant!

I went to see my dietitian yesterday. It was as frustrating as ever grrr. I find her so pushy sometimes! I understand that I'm not getting enough calories right now...we all know that, but that is because I can't TOLERATE any more. I have pushed and pushed this least 2 weeks to increase my feed rate, with varying degrees of success and failure. I really am doing everything I can to improve the situation for myself but my dietitian doesn't seem to see that. She just keeps pushing and pushing and pushing. I explained to her that I was spending much of my time flushing my NJ tube with tiny amounts of water because I can't tolerate bigger flushes. Her suggestion was to give bigger flushes so I don't have to do it so often...yep thanks for that little gem, I can't be trying hard enough eh! That really made me quite cross because if that was an option I would be doing it! I asked about the hydra bag but that was dismissed instantly and then I asked if I could have the smaller bags of feed because I'm wasting so much and I'm carrying around all that extra weight just for it to go in the bin after 24hrs. She dismissed that too. She is very unwilling to listen to anything I say and just keeps telling me how she has ten years experience as a dietitian. It feels like if it's not her idea then it's a bad one! She asks question after question after question and it feels like some kind of interrogation at times. I understand the importance of being thorough but she takes it to extremes. She will ask a blanket of questions every week to which the answer is never going to change, like how are you flushing the tube and what with blah blah blah I use cool boiled water just like you told me to do when we first met, why would I do anything different? Nah this week I've been flushing it with vodka you muppet! Honestly I'm not kidding, I even have to tell her what size syringe I'm using when she knows full well what size she ordered for me to use...that's all I have so how could it be any different from one week to the next? Its just plain weird sometimes and I could do without it when Im in pain and I've had to drag myself out of the house into the cold for the privilege. I don't particularly want to spend the first 15 minutes of my appointment repeating stuff that she already knows! Then she put the cherry on the cake by saying that if I could keep pushing through the pain and increasing the feed I'll feel better for it. NO REALLY, what? I'll feel better when I get more food in...your kidding, why didn't I think of that? Obviously I'm not suffering enough right now and I need to stop being a wimp and just grin and bear it so I can trade being in bed because I've got no energy for being in bed because Im in total agony! It's not just distressing for me it scares my kids too and they get really upset when they see me suffering. It is way too much to expect someone to live like that and I was pretty disgusted by her attitude towards my symptoms. I have a lot of pain already with the regime that I'm following but obviously that's not significant because I don't walk into her office with a grimace in my face. I have had this with every dietitian I've seen other than my team at Durham. They just have no idea what my problem is, they just don't get it and I'm sick of it!