Lost

Hey guys, finally I think I'm in the right frame of mind to put some of my thoughts and feelings into words. I need to get myself together and sort this mess out! My question is, how do you really express how you feel when you don't understand yourself? That's been my problem this week. My usual course of action when faced with a new Gastroparesis issue is to read...read and read some more. It helps me to understand my body and what processes are going on in there to make me feel so utterly rubbish. However, I have found recently that I can't bear to read one more article about the benefits of gastric pacers and domperidone. If they were really that good we would all be doing cartwheels and eating chocolate cake! In reality, it doesn't work for everyone...but know one knows why. This becomes a big issue, especially when explaining your illness to someone new. Well why isn't all that treatment you're getting working? Why can't you just eat more? Why don't you try and exercise that'll help! Have you tried this that or the other...really? Then there's my personal favourite well you were fine before...what changed? My answer....I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW, I DON'T KNOW! Today...I really don't care why or how, I just NEED to feel better. The latest problem I'm facing is that the Naso jejunal feeding isn't going well. I had pinned all my hopes on getting the surgical jej removed to get rid of the pain but alas...after starting the feed the pain has returned. It's so hard to keep going when everything keeps going so horribly wrong all the time. You just go through the motions of one procedure to the next always hoping that this time you'll make some headway. My next appointment is on Monday, I've spoken to my GI already and I know what's next, I just need to talk some things over before I psych myself up for the next step of my journey. I'll post soon and let you know what's happening. For now I'm just concentrating on keeping my head above water x

Comments

  1. Jax18 February 2012 at 14:12

    Here for you Minx. Tough times upon tough times is taking its toll on your poor self:(( Thinking of you lots. Anxious to hear how Monday goes<3 Xxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous19 February 2012 at 15:16

    Oh Natalie i wish i could take this pain away from you ,I am constantly hoping that your next step will be for the pain to go away.Stick with it ,you are the strongest person i have ever known and the bravest .Good luck Monday and i am praying that the next step is one step nearer to your goal mum in law xxx

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